Today’s song is I’ll Be There by Andrew Rayel.
God has ways of speaking to us without words, without a voice that we hear out loud or in our heads. (He can do both, but I suspect Holy Spirit values subtlety and quiet.)
I haven’t written much over the past few months because, to be honest, I’ve been in a funk most of the time, Thoreau’s quiet desperation, as worries have been crowding my mind and relief has seemed like it will never come.
This song was exactly what I needed.
If you trust me
I will take you
Farther than the stars
You’re the ship and
I’m the lighthouse
In the fog I’ll find you where you are
Beyond the stars. I’ve dreamed of both natural and spiritual experiences that transcend normality. Getting to see the world, when I’ve barely stepped foot out of the state in twenty years. Experiencing mind-blowing revelation from the Word. And other stuff I can’t imagine at the moment because my world has grown far too small–I haven’t been able to look up from the ground.
It is in the midst of this that God has been finding me. Over the past few days I’ve learned some important things about myself that I didn’t know. One thing was that I am not as much of an introvert as I thought I was–I get energy from in-person customer interactions, specifically when fixing computers for them. I went to a customer site yesterday and found myself feeling so upbeat that I was nearly bouncing off the walls-something that scared me at first (to be honest, I thought I had forgotten to take my medicine). Then I realized (after prayer) that it was energy I was feeling. I was getting energy from customer interactions. I dislike sales, but onsite and deskside support is something I really enjoy because I get to help people face-to-face. This isn’t a trait commonly seen with introverts, as far as I know. So I had a bit of self-discovery, and some of the fog around me lifted. It’s helped me think about where to go next in my career–since I know being behind a desk drains me and being around people energizes me, I know what I need to look for.
The main worry in my life–money–I’m slowly getting a new perspective on that–for example, learning to be content eating from home instead of eating out. Keeping a strict budget will help, but we aren’t quite there yet. I’m sure it’s down the line. I have to want to get involved with the money, and after too many years of being afraid of it, that fear–that fog–is dissipating. It’s a good thing.
Another bit of good news: I start college next weekend! I’m going back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree at Western Governor’s University. After years of playing World of Warcraft, my new ‘game’ will be focusing on my career, and I’ll be glad to finish my degree so I will have more income potential, which will alleviate a lot of my worries about our future.
God won’t leave you in the fog forever. Eventually he will speak to you–directly, through another person, through a song, or through some other means–and you’ll see the light. It just may take a while. I can’t say that I understand the purpose of suffering through these confusing, dark times, but I can say that they don’t last forever.