When I had a nervous breakdown a few years ago, I finally got medical treatment for mental health conditions that I had been struggling with for some twenty years. My doctor put a name to what I was struggling with: chronic anxiety and depression. With medicine and counseling, the ‘demons’ that I had been struggling with (sometimes literal voices) disappeared over time, in dramatic fashion. Being able to think clearly, without fear, is something new to me. Having the creative spark be a normal thing instead of a fleeting feeling that disappears into months of writer’s block (due to depression that I didn’t know was there) is tremendously liberating.
So life, for me, has essentially started over, or did a few years ago. It’s a liberating feeling, but also discouraging at times, because I realize that if I live to 75, my life is nearly half over. I’ve spent a few years growing out of various obsessions: learning the Japanese language was one, comic books, video games, geek culture, spending lots of money on toys and memorabilia and Blu-Ray discs and physical copies of books I liked, all of this immature behavior that I went through in my teenage years and went through again in my early thirties–a sort of midlife crisis. I’ve emerged from that. I’ve grown up a bit. It’s a relief.
Life can begin again, if you get help. If you feel like life is wrong all the time, if you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, if you look at life with despair, get help. Your answer might not be medication–I have a chemical imbalance, and medication definitely helped me, but you might just need to talk with someone. There’s no shame in that! You only have to reach out.
p.s. I’ve been growing up politically and theologically as well, exploring ideas outside of traditional Protestant, Evangelical, and Republican thought. If I seem a little edgy at times, chances are I’ve discovered something new about how the world works and it’s made me mad. There’s a lot of redpilling I need and a lot of redpilling to dispense! 🙂