God's Personality

God is Chill

God can be remarkably chill.

This DOES contradict a flat reading of Scripture, doesn’t it? I mean, ‘refiner’s fire and fuller’s soap’? All the stuff he said through Jesus? All of the stuff he sent Paul and the other Apostles through?

It DEFINITELY contradicts the Zeus-like blowhard of most Western theology. That guy’s just a jerk.

So why do I say God is pretty chill?

  1. Unlimited love. I mean, never-ending torrents of love. It’s intense. His love will burn your eyeballs out if you stare at it too long. (On second thought, maybe I’ll walk back that analogy, burning people’s eyeballs out doesn’t seem like a very loving thing to do…)
  2. Unlimited knowledge. I mean, he knows where all the good eating places are, what to get your wife for anniversaries, all that. Really cool guy to know.
  3. Unlimited friendship. He won’t get mad at you if you accidentally forget to pay the rent or take the trash out. Hell, he’ll even pop up a reminder in your spirit: ‘hey, bozo, you forgot something’. (He hasn’t called me ‘bozo’ yet…well, until just now. Ah well.)
  4. Unlimited cash. I mean, the guy is a money machine. Sorta. I mean, oh, that WAS a bad analogy, because that’s sowing and reaping…jeez. Ah well, walk that back too…look, the point is, he’s got stuff. He owns everything. And if you’re willing to listen, and stay in the Fire when it gets hot, he’ll share everything with you, too. Everything is given to you, and done through you. You don’t have to beg, borrow, or steal. He’s got your back.
  5. He’s nice. I sorta already said that, but I just wanna say that he is a nice guy. He’s not gonna slash your tires while you’re at work, or poison your dog, or whatever. (Aww, man, these analogies aren’t going all that great today. Bah.) What I mean is: shit DOES happen; not all humans are perfect peaches, and sometimes believers get caught up in that. And random unexpected stuff. But the point is: God is kind. So, so kind. (Ah, crap, I didn’t put ‘unlimited’ before this one. There goes my gold star for writing a perfect five-point sermon…)

So yeah. Get to know the guy, OK, before you start teaching a bunch of weird shit about how God is mean and nasty and just itching to ruin your day? All right? Nobody wants to hear God hates them any more than they already hear it.

God is chill.