I was so exhausted from religious works. The youth pastor told me, ‘Take some time and just sit in the Father’s lap.’ I asked him what he meant. He repeated himself. He didn’t seem to understand why I didn’t understand him.
At that point I had no grid for enjoying God. ‘Time in God’s presence’ was, for me, an unpleasant ‘quiet time’ in the morning, meant to equip me for whatever work he would have me do that day (usually half-hearted, misguided attempts at ‘ministry’).
I had no understanding of how to enjoy God. And it took a long time before I could do that.
It took some time getting knocked out on the floor, repeatedly, under the power of God, in revival.
It took hearing good (yet challenging) theology from people like John Crowder and Benjamin Dunn and others.
And it’s been a journey since then.
Now I can just relax in His presence. Sure, I would love to get better at not thinking about my next agenda, but I am free for him to enjoy me and for me to enjoy him without strings, without expectations, just me and the Trinity, a love fest without end.